An intention of mine for this month is to spend much time thinking about and working with my fear of Death. It is interesting because once I brought this intention in to the world, I began to notice Death everywhere around me. Waking early to gifts of rat parts from my cat. The Death of my grandmother's husband. The dying of the leaves. Books and films having much more to do with Death than I realized when I began them.
I do plan to take in much art and writing as it pertains to Death. I have begun reading a book titled How To Fall and have other books about Death and dying, waiting to be read.
I am not sure why Death has always scared me so. As with my other fears, I am trying to work with my fear of Death, rather than overcoming it. I see the acceptance of Death has the ultimate plunge into and acceptance of the mystery that is life. In my way of thinking, mystery is the only tangible thing worth of our worship. Death is the greatest threshold that we ever cross because before we cross over, we have no idea what is on the other side and once we get to the other side, there is the possibility that we will know everything or that the knowing within us will cease.
Therefore, I am making a secret pact with Death, that will bind me to her, as if I had a choice in the matter. The choice is to accept this final marriage or to run from it. Either way it will happen, so I will begin to embrace all the facets of life that lead me closer towards Death. I will celebrate each heartbreak, gray hair and aching joint and when my time comes, as it no doubt will, I will reach my hand out toward Death rather than pulling away.
“For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its
restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.”
----"On Death" The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
Halloween 2013
When Your Life Looks Back by Jane Hirshfield
When your life looks back—
As it will, at itself, at you—what will it say?
Inch of colored ribbon cut from the spool.
Flame curl, blue-consuming the log it flares from.
Bay leaf. Oak leaf. Cricket. One among many.
Your life will carry you as it did always,
With ten fingers and both palms,
With horizontal ribs and upright spine,
With its filling and emptying heart,
That wanted only your own heart, emptying, filled, in return.
You gave it. What else could do?
Immersed in air or in water.
Immersed in hunger or anger.
Curious even when bored.
Longing even when running away.
"What will happen next?"—
the question hinged in your knees, your ankles,
in the in-breaths even of weeping.
Strongest of magnets, the future impartial drew you in.
Whatever direction you turned toward was face to face.
No back of the world existed,
No unseen corner, no test. No other earth to prepare for.
This, your life had said, its only pronoun.
Here, your life had said, its only house.
Let, your life had said, its only order.
And did you have a choice in this? You did—
Sleeping and waking,
the horses around you, the mountains around you,
The buildings with their tall, hydraulic shafts.
Those of your own kind around you—
A few times, you stood on your head.
A few times, you chose not to be frightened.
A few times, you held another beyond any measure.
A few times, you found yourself held beyond any measure.
Mortal, your life will say,
As if tasting something delicious, as if in envy.
Your immortal life will say this, as it is leaving.
Old Woman Nature by Gary Snyder
Old Woman Nature
naturally has a bag of bones
tucked away somewhere.
a whole room full of bones!
A scattering of hair and cartilage
bits in the woods.
A fox scat with hair and a tooth in it.
a shellmound
a bone flake in a streambank.
A purring cat, crunching
the mouse head first,
eating on down toward the tail—
The sweet old woman
calmly gathering firewood in the
moon …
Don’t be shocked,
She’s heating you some soup.
